JABJAB

A blog in pink font.

Month: January, 2015

Here’s to the experts

Here’s to the experts. The shit talkers. The business hipsters. The buzzword merchants. The loud passengers on silly bandwagons. The ones who say nothing meaningful. They’re not fond of plain language. And they have no respect for the simple word. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is understand what the fuck they’re saying. Because they talk loads of rubbish. They annoy the human race. And while some may see them as the experts, we see jargonists. Because the people who use jargon to drive the business, are the ones who don’t drive anything.

Rethought leadership

Dear Employees

The year 2015 is going to be a year of endless opportunities. It’s a year of change. I know it has been said the year before and the year before that. But this time it’s true because I had a dream when I was visiting my mistress.

We as one great organisation are ready for this change. Our previous achievements have clearly positioned us as the world’s best company in terms of everything:

The time we realised the times will be more difficult
The time I took up my new position as CFIO
The time we introduced SuperSquare
The time we initiated the next next big thing
My personal leadership diary
The time we created the Outernet

Unlike other companies which focus on thinking we will focus on rethinking. 2015 is all about rethinking. Rethinking the strategy. Rethinking the rethought strategy. Rethinking the rethought rethought strategy. But it’s also about rethinking email signatures. Rethinking the menus in the canteen. Rethinking the trousers we wear to work. Rethinking is like going in circles but in a positive way.

As your CFIO it is my duty to rethink by example. Hence I’m going to rethink this email and get back to you after my lunch break.

Best regards
Your CFIO

The disease to please

In the business world most people are scared shitless. They suffer from the disease to please. Pleasing bosses, pleasing clients, pleasing plants. Whatever pops up that can be pleased.

Being liked dictates their agenda, because their existence depends on external validation. They adjust their opinion and actions as soon as the person whom they are trying to please adjusts his opinion and actions (because he too needs to please someone). The result: they create chaos where chaos serves no purpose. They cause trouble where trouble serves no purpose. It’s an absolute nightmare to work with pleasers.

They are obsessed with doing everything right in order to hit the 10 on the pleaseometer. And doing everything right means doing what they have been told to do without questioning if it really solves the business problem. Nodding enthusiastically. Not asking critical questions. Not objecting. Instead of figuring out what solves the problem, their priority is to please. They think that by pleasing they are actually solving the business problem. Which is a fundamentally misleading way of thinking. Because really solving the problem would certainly be the best way of actually pleasing someone, wouldn’t it?

Pleasing is a top priority in the business world. Because when you simply do what you were told, you can’t be held accountable when it goes wrong. “I did what I was told” comes in handy as an excuse. But this approach backfires and the blame game starts. The pleaser above will blame the pleaser below or next to him (remember, he too needs to please someone). And while everybody is busy focusing on pleasing someone, the real business problem is still unsolved.

That’s why I don’t want to work with pleasers. They’ve got no balls and confuse pleasing people with solving a problem.

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