The introduction of SuperSquare

by Parvez Sheik Fareed

Dear Employees

As usual I would like to commence by emphasising how difficult the current economic challenges are. The global economy is a mess just like my wife’s wardrobe. I bought her a silk scarf the other day and she used it to floss her teeth. Unfortunately we are experiencing similar behaviour patterns within [INSERT ORGANISATION]. The investments we make must be used wisely. We can’t allow ourselves to fall behind our competitors in these difficult economic times of lasting uncertainty.

In my recent communication I informed of the glorious task force that was initiated: the Perfection Initiating Super Smarts (PISS). I was thrilled how many employees were eager to join the PISS and contribute in significant ways to make this outstanding company the galaxy’s greatest organisation of all time.

The spirit triggered by the PISS made me strive to conquer further undiscovered isles of engagement in order to build the future of the future’s future for our company.

The first step in building the future of the future’s future requires that we improve our communication skills. My board of advisors and I conducted a thorough analysis to solve this urgent problem at its root cause. We came to the conclusion that PowerPoint is no longer the right tool to convey our messages because our competitors are also using PowerPoint. In order to differentiate [INSERT ORGANISATION] successfully from its competitors we have developed a new presentation programme. I’m very proud to present the unique, groundbreaking programme that will seriously change today’s corporate landscape: SuperSquare.

Now what is the main difference between SuperSquare and PowerPoint? For starters, it’s the name. Secondly, SuperSquare can also be used as an adjective: “This presentation was super square!” This game-changing impact allows us to create brand awareness in conversations with clients. PowerPoint can’t be used as an adjective. But with SuperSquare we will leapfrog the competition in no time!

I would also like to use the opportunity to inform you of the next huge improvement regarding communication: we are initiating a group-wide steering committee which I will be chairing personally. The committee will define new processes which will enable a better use of the CC field in our daily email communication. We at [INSERT ORGANISATION] are going to be a leading company which is fully engaged to deliver high quality results in email communication.

This strategic approach ties in with our galactic long-term objectives of increasing efficiency cross-globally by improving effectiveness aligned with my hallucinations our vision and corporate values. You can be proud to be part of this organisation in which innovation isn’t just a word but a truly sustainable commitment.

Best regards and keep it super square!